5 reasons why men fear to commit
You've been with your boyfriend for several months or years and you're sitting in a restaurant for girls' night out. The inevitable question arises as you bite into your first jumbo shrimp: "Why hasn't he asked you to marry him yet?" Cocktail sauce drips from the corner of your mouth as you defend your boyfriend from this barrage.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you know your friends are asking a valid question. What is this guy waiting for? Is he stringing me along? Why does he run from engagement talk quicker than people in Pamplona from the running of the bulls?
Today is your day for answers. Here are the top five reasons guys fear commitment and what you can do to overcome them.
Reason #1: Saying "yes" to you means saying "no" to the rest of the world
Let's say he asks you to marry him on a Saturday. Then on Monday he's walking to work and a beautiful woman approaches. As a swinging single, he had the freedom to drop a cute one-liner. Now this knockout is off limits.
“The bottom line here is your man wonders if you truly are the best person he'll ever meet or just the best person to date.”
The bottom line here is your man wonders if you truly are the best person he'll ever meet or just the best person to date. This quandary can stop a waffling guy in his tracks.
The Solution: Face this issue head-on and admit to your man that the world of women does not magically become ugly the moment he puts a ring on your finger. It's okay to find other women attractive, just like you could take note of a cute guy at the gym. The point is you're mutually agreeing to not act on these impulses.
Reason #2: Women in magazines and on TV look so perfect
Thanks to airbrushing and perfect lighting, women in magazines, movies and TV portray an unattainable look. Your man might mistakenly believe these Hollywood starlets wake up in the morning actually looking like this. He then takes one look at you in sweatpants and suddenly develops a new crush on the Revlon model in Cosmo.
The Solution: All you need to do is find a magazine or website that exposes celebrities without their makeup. These candid photos, complete with skin blemishes, non-designer clothes and unkempt hair, will remind your man that celebrities are regular people too. Then book a romantic evening together where you both dress up elegantly.
“One look at you in your finest duds and your man will soon realize you too can look like a Hollywood starlet.”
One look at you in your finest duds and your man will soon realize you too can look like a Hollywood starlet.
Reason #3: I'm not ready to give up guys' night out (i.e., my fraternity days)
From college to the present, your guy has locked in Friday night with the guys. Sports and drinking dominate the night as does hitting on women. Suddenly Fridays transform into dinners with couples, movie rentals and family gatherings. Your man just might miss his high-flying single days and feel jealous of his unattached buddies.
The Solution: Who says marriage means the end of male friendships? Let your man know he can still get together with the guys -- maybe not every Friday night, but certainly one or two times a month. You can do the same with the girls. Remove the need to hit on members of the opposite sex and you're good to go. Besides, these same-gender relationships are healthy.
Reason #4: Relationships shouldn't require so much work
"All we do is talk." We all know some guys have a penchant for avoiding deep conversation.
“Many guys have friends who claim they never fight with their spouses”
Many guys have friends who claim they never fight with their spouses, or maybe he had parents who shielded him from marital tension. A few too many challenging conversations and your man may wonder if all the stress is a sign of a bad relationship.
The Solution: Quality communication is all about picking the right moment. A long, difficult day at work is not the best precursor to a difficult conversation. Relaxing on the couch, in a low- stress moment, is a much better option. You can also seek out another couple who is willing to be honest about relationship tension that all couples face. Seeing this other couple deal with the same issues might help him realize you're not alone in facing relationship hurdles.
Reason #5: I'm not sure if the things that bother me about you are deal-breakers
Your man loves 38 things about you, but three things about you really annoy him. He can't decide if the 38 lovable qualities outweigh the three annoyances, or if ultimately those three things will drive him batty.
The Solution: You've got to remind your man that sooner or later everyone has the potential to be annoying. Family, roommates, colleagues and spouses all have qualities that can grate on you from time to time. And here's a news flash: he has some annoying qualities too. Marriage is all about accepting a few flaws for the greater good of an otherwise healthy relationship.